Tuesday, November 3, 2009


How do you cope with lost?

There are probably hundreds of books out there, written by Phds, theologians, all kind of scholars, but you can never take away the sadness of losing something, someone precious to you.

I think God knows exactly how we feel, for we were all once His lost children, and many of us still.

It shows how vulnerable we are on this Earth, and how complex we are a created being.

Monday, November 2, 2009


I think sorrow started hitting me as I started to come out of denial. I talked to my sister earlier and she said she is so sad hearing the news. She was here in March but did not make the attempt to visit her. I remember her mentioning to me that she would find time to visit her at her house.

My wife also started telling me how sad she is.

Departure is so hard. Separation is so hurtful. We are creatures meant to be connected, and once we did, and when it's broken, it's so unbearable.

Good bye and see you again one day.

This morning my wife told me of the news I wish I won't receive. My friend's beloved mother has passed away in her sleep.

In my dream this morning, their whole family was living in my house, and the mother had just passed away. I went into the room where she was rested, and her younger grand daughter was playing. The was a blanket covering her whole body and face. However when I approached her, I saw she started moving. And when I go closer, she just came back to life as she just woke up from a sleep. I started yelling at her family members who were in somewhere else in the house, and they started coming in.

She didn't just woke up, but sat up and started talking like all the illness were gone. We all were so happy that miracles had happened and God not just healed her, but actually brought her back from death.

Now I know it's not just another dream. She has been resurrected with Christ and continue in her eternal life with a new and healthy body. Her old body may rest in peace, but her soul sure lives on without suffering, and full of life.

Saturday, October 17, 2009


In Mark Chapter 10, it is written:

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. 23"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

I pray that my friend's mom will be healed, from this moment onwards, completely from her illness, and live until her very old age. Amen.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Perhaps the very last time I saw her.

In July I wrote about my friend's mom who has conceived cancer. Yesterday I finally was able to make a visit. I have been tried to give myself excuse for not visiting her sooner. A couple of times when I tried, she was either at the hospital, or going through tough time.

Yesterday morning, my wife told me about her condition after reading a blog set up by her family members. I've been getting the news from my wife because she has been the one reading it. For some reason, I told myself I must give her a visit this time. I have just visit another family who has a new born at the same hospital two days ago, and have been to the hospital two other occasions for my own medical reasons. There is really no excuse.

After checking with my friend, not knowing what else to say, we just went to the her ward in the early evening. I must said I am quite shock to see her in her condition, since the last photos I saw of her were still quite alright. I had planned to talk to her to cheer her up, but the only thing I could do when I saw her is to hide my sorrow, and show her a happy face, as if everything is going to be fine. We came home after she insisted that we leave. I didn't mind at all if she didn't want anyone to border her, or perhaps she just felt guilty that people spent time to visit her.

Today I felt burdened to visit her again, but can not decide if we should do it again two days in a row. I still felt awful for not visited her sooner. That would be a regret I will carry for a long long time. Before I left home from work, I told my wife I've decided to pay her another visit. Hopefully I can meet my friend personally this time because I have not known what to say to him all these times over the phone.

Before we left for the hospital, we decided to pray together, asking for God's mercy for her, and for us so that we can comfort the family. Our God is a God of mercy and love. He answer our prayer when we ask, and there is no reason we should fear in him.

When we arrived at the hospital, while entering the main entrance, it suddenly occurred to me I should look into the cafeteria we passed by. I never thought of checking it until that moment, and immediately I spotted my friend having dinner with another woman. We immediately went in and met them. The woman turned out to be his wife, but she looks so frail. I am sure she must be very fatigue with all that's going on.

When we sat down in front of them, we were told the doctor has informed them to start preparing for worse, and should even make preparation for the funeral. I thought my emotion has been pretty calm but I could not hold it any more at that time.

It was God who has prepare the moment for me and my wife to learn about the news. I would not know how it would be if we we to go to the ward straight and met all the family members there. It would have been awkward. Most importantly, I was able to pray for them, holding hands. I had not pray a prayer where I felt the Holy Spirit's leading as this was.

I wish all of them well. I will live with many regrets which I hope I can share somedays with them, or someone else.

For fifteen years I have been friends with your family, you have been like a mother figure to me. I wish you well. I ask God to take you to Him in peace, and so that you can be with your husband who has been waiting for you. You have left behind a legacy your family will carry on. Thank you for your care, and forgive me for being so distant in the past few years, especially when you were enduring all the pains.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

One of the most interesting events I have ever attended

This past week, I spent sometime with my sister and brother-in-law from Singapore in Dallas, Texas. They were making their second annual trip to the Forever Super Rally, and I thought I should go and meet them, even if I was not much interested in the event itself. As I grew older, I started to realize there is less and less chance I will see my siblings and I should take every opportunity to spend time with them, especially when they come to the States.

We arrived in Dallas on Tuesday night, and was welcome by the extreme heat as soon as we step out of the airport building. Went to Buffalo Wild Wings after I got my rented Rav 4, and met up with them.

I've previously only visited BWW only once and the only thing I remembered was the noise. But this time, we actually took a good look at the menu, and tried something. Since it was a Tuesday, we took advantage of the 45c wings special. After trying a few sources, from medium to quite hot, we decided we haven't been challenged. So, we decided to order the Blazzing wings just to see how spicy they are...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

So I can't go to sleep again today. Thought I felt tired already at 11pm but now it's 1.35am and I am still well awake. Maybe that has something to do with me sleeping till 12 noon today.

Sleepless is one of the worst feeling, when there is a 9.30am requirement where I have to be at work the next day. That itself is enough for me to want to change job.

Too many things in my mind but I don't feel like writing them down. I don't know why I stopped writing. I wonder if I can recover what I have written back in the 90's, well before there was such thing as blogging. One of these days, I should try to.

I am really sick of those spam mails in my mail boxes. Upgrade spamassassin yesterday but it didn't seems to help at all. Do I really have to change email address to get rid of all the spams?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Naperville Carillon

Today I dragged my wife out for a walk at Naperville Riverwalk. Since the Sun was setting, I chose to park at the the first parking lot we reached, which was the one closest to the Carillon (the bell tower). We saw some people in the tower existing, and seems like they were just given a tour. So I decided to get close and eventually found out they were giving tours to go up. For $2 a person, we were taken up to the midway point by elevator, and then walked up stairs to the very top.

I was amazed by the facts the young tour guide gave us. This is one of the only ten grand carillon in the world. A grand carillon means it has six octaves of bells. And there are only four of them in North America. (I will check out the facts some times).

Thought it was just a short moments, I feel it's a unexpected treat that we get to go up there today. We were able to see all around us, and can even see the light from Chicago.


Two days ago, I received an email from a good friend, whoes family I have spend many years with after moving to Chicagoland. I have not visited them for some times and only communicated through email a few times. Unfortunately the email was to convey a sad message about the mother of my friend diagnosed with stomach cancer. I am deeply sadden by the news and I still don't know how to response. Suddenly I felt like if my close relatives, especially the older ones are going to leave me very soon. I thought about my own mother, my grand mother who was trying to say the last good bye to me when I visited her last year.

Life on Earth is indeed short. If there is eternity, why are we allowed only such a short time on Earth? Why do we have to go through the grief of parting with our love ones?

I want my friend's mom to be well again. I can only pray and hope, and hope many many more pray along with me...